The One With Those Three Little Words

I love you.

No, seriously. 

I love you.

If you are reading this, 

I love you.

Chances are, we are-

                                                        a. Friends
                                                        b. Ex's
                                                        c. Acquaintances
                                                              OR
                                                        d. I have never met you... 

Either way, there is a good chance that I loved you at one point.

Or maybe just kind of liked you.

Or there could be a good possibility that we hate each other.

I don't know, but thank you for reading my blog.

Now, why am I saying this to you?

Because, it seems that those three little words are very difficult to communicate.

At least for my friend and her boyfriend of a year.

So, when are you suppose to say it?

I love you.

Is there even a real time line or a 'use by this date' slapped on it?

Being that I have had my fair share of relationships/shits in the past, 

I have many different experiences with this topic.

Experience #1

The first boy to say it to me...

The Year? 2004

The Grade? 8th

The Location? Over the phone

"Ali, I love you."

 "Hahaha thank you? I have to go, bye."

Obviously, I was a very mature 14 year old,

but come on!

It had only been two weeks?! 

And at 14?!

Unfortunately I was not in love at that time-

Thus why I broke it off 2 weeks later.

Why did it take me so long you may ask?

It was during winter break, 

so we only saw each other one week out of our relationship.
Good times.

Experience #2

I cried and then he said it...

The Year? 2008

The Grade? 12th

The Location? His car

We had been dating for about 5 months and I knew that I loved this kid,

but he said he was not sure how he felt.

 Of course I started to cry to my friend about it...

Then about a month later, my boyfriend and I had a serious talk

and for some reason 

(that I cannot recall now)

we sat in his car because cars are just serious like that.

We both began to cry and that is when he told me he loved me.

Cute? Sure!

I just hope my crying is not what convinced him.

I guess we will never know...

Experience #3 

This unfortunately is not my experience, 
but my cousin Leo's story is just too good not to share.

The Year? 2010

The Date? Oct. 31st

The Location? Colorado for his sisters wedding

Yes, one of my cousins had her wedding on Halloween...

And yes the groom was dressed up as a zombie.

True love right there.

Anyways, 

my cousin Leo and his girlfriend had been dating for 8 months.

Quick flashback to their first date- 
he came hung over and left her to sit alone in the restaurant 
while he puked in the bathroom. 

Obviously, they hit it off right away.

He knew his feelings for her were growing and 
figured it was finally time to let her know.

As they were sitting on the couch watching Conan O'Brian, 

he turned to her and said

"I love you."

Nothing says I love you more than Halloween, your sisters wedding and Conan.

They are still together today and going strong.
Shocker, I know.

So, should it matter how long you have been dating before you say those three words?

Is it possible to be too early or too late with them?
Who should say it first- the guy or the girl?
Will Conan's show really last that much longer?


So many questions that plague us on a daily basis. 
And it seems as if we will never know the right answers.

For my friend and her boyfriend of a year,
she is fine not saying it just yet.

She knows they are good for one another
and that should be enough for any relationship.

Now, if they don't want to make it FBO?
Relationship Status Changed To- SINGLE!

The One With the Hashtag Problem.

Remember this guy?
The one who thought I was sick? 

Well surprise, surprise! He actually contacted me again! 

4 days later...

The texts started off with 'getting to know you' questions, 
but then things got interesting.
This is the charming conversation I was lucky enough to have with my bar boy:

Bar Boy: "I'm a Sonoma State legend"

"How so"

"Beats me.Some people have greatness thrust upon them..."

"Lucky you."

"I mean, I am really fucking cool. But it's not all I talk about"

Such a cool guy.
Can't wait to get to know him more!
And so the conversation continues...

Bar Boy: "I don't believe in humor. Life is too short to make jokes"

"Life is too ridiculous not to!"

He continued with how he creepily knows everything about me, 

but then the subject of TVs came up...

Bar Boy: "I don't really enjoy TV...except I have two dope TVs in my room #richkidproblems."

Did he seriously just hashtag in a text?!

Bar Boy Continues: "But I have realized that money is not everything. 
I know I'm going to be rich so I've worked hard on other aspects of my life."

"Such as?"

"Relationships, being healthy...heavy drinking"

"I don't really understand why you are saying this to me..."

"On that note, I am done texting you lol."

"Nice getting to know the real you."

"<3"

I mean, at least he loves me?

Fast forward a week and this is what he texts me-

"Whatcha doing. It's Tuesday, time to get drunk!"

Yeah, I was already asleep when he sent this one to me, 
#fulltimejobproblems

So the next day I responded with-

"Sorry, was already blacked out. It was a Tuesday after all."

"Fair enough. I was pretty drunk myself."

It has been about a week now and I have not heard from my bar boy.
But it is almost the weekend...
which means there may be a chance of some entertaining texts coming my way.

Fingers crossed.
I just know this one is a keeper.

The One Who Was Just Not That Into You

Everyone has one of those stories-

When they met someone and convinced themselves it was meant to be,

but the fact was...

they were just not that into you. 

I found myself watching this movie the other night. 

Alone in my house. 

BUT my friend was watching it at the same time at her house.

So, it was like we were watching it together...

Anyways, it made me think back to the men I have dated this past year. 

All the relation-shits. 

All the first and only dates. 

All the awkward conversations.

And all the lessons learned. 

In the short span of one year,

I have met some of the most influential people in my dating life. 

From Eminem lovers who taught me not to jump in too fast...

To the Thursday night bar boy who taught me not to meet guys at the bars...

To an old friend who taught me that sometimes it is best just to stay friends...

I've learned a lot this past year about who I am,

what I want in life

and the men I should avoid.

But nothing can snap you out of the dating daze better then watching

He's Just Not That Into You.

And it all makes you realize that most of your relationship problems stem 

from the horrible advice your parents gave you when you were younger!

Who else heard the whole-

"He is being mean to you and picking on you because he actually likes you."

I remember my mother saying that to me in elementary school 

when a boy was picking on me.

Did anything ever happen with me and that boy?

No.

And I went to school with him all throughout high school...

So thank you mother, 

for getting my hopes up and making me think mean boys were

just covering up intense feelings for me.

Turns out they were just being immature young jerks.

So...when do they grow out of that?

The reason I bring this up is because too often

we find ourselves angry at the flames of our past.

We are pissed that things did not work out and 

we refuse to speak of/to those people again.

I have friends that will literally hide from ex's when they see them at the bars 

because they hate them that much.

But for me, that is not how I want to spend my young adult life-

Constantly avoiding the places I might see someone I used to know

or being afraid of going out anywhere because I might run into them.

 I have been hurt by guys

but in the end, shit happens.

Life is so much easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Before the break-ups occurred, you were friends with those people.

They were someone you trusted with almost anything.

Once the angry bashing to your friends is over, 

making amends is healthy.

To this day, 

I am civil enough with my ex's to the point where we can 

have a conversation and not want to kill each other. 

Some may think it is weird, dysfunctional and odd that I remain in contact 

with some of the flames from my past,

but I see it as accepting what happened, 

getting over the hurt 

and going back to finding the friendship that was there before the heartache.

At the end of the day,

do you want to live your life for yourself

or constantly think about how your relation-shits are holding you back?

The One Who Cheated

I have had a few cheaters in my life 

but none were as bad as the one who cheated in a game of mini-golf...

Something you should know about me- 

I play to win.

Yeah, I enjoy having genuine fun and hanging out with friends/family

BUT COME ON!

If there is not a declared winner, what is the point of a competitive game?

Am I right?

The answer is yes.

It all started when I went to visit my Relation-Shit one evening. 

We decided to go out mini-golfing for our date night.

Romantic, I know. 

But seriously, I love mini-golf. 

 Easy way to my heart.

He and I are VERY competitive, 

to the point where it's not fun for anyone else 

because we are just too determined to beat one another.

So, as we are moving along the course, I get two hole in ones.

Obviously, I brag and gloat because, hello?! 

That's awesome!

He does not find this amusing OR exciting.

Instead he starts to say that I am cheating.

Can you say poor sport?

But ummmmm, no!

I don't need to cheat in mini-golf!

Natural skills here.

Obviously.

Due to my "cheating," he decides that he deserves some extra swings 

which he did not count on his score.

I don't think so.

So I called him out on it and I changed his score to its rightful number.

He then decides that I cheated on the score so-
he tore up the score card!

What do I do?

I pick up his ball and throw it in the water!

And what does he do?

He throws his golf club on the ground and walked away...

We are obviously very mature 22 years old's here.

 But, being the bigger person, I picked up his club and ran after him.

Not apologizing of course because, after all, he was the real cheater in this situation.

So I called him ridiculous and we awkwardly joined his other friends 

 without our clubs, our balls or a true winner to announce.

The moral of this story is: cheaters never prosper. 

 Whether it be cheating in a game of mini-golf or cheating in a relationship,

it will always come back to bite you in the ass.

As for this cheater, he has a new woman now...

But for the rest of his life 

he will know that a girl beat him in mini-golf (which I know he hates)-

and that is all the satisfaction I need.

The One Who Thought I Was Sick

I never hit the bars anymore.

Ever since I got into the "real world,"

hitting the town is sadly not on my radar.

From those good old college days of going out every Thursday at 11PM

to going to bed at 11PM on a Thursday for work the next day...

Oh how life changes so quickly.

 BUT, my friend and I made the trek out to some bars last Friday night

 and man, did we make up for lost time!

With my friend being the sober driver, 
I was able to enjoy myself more than I should have.

A few drinks down and it was time to DANCE!

Now, as some of you know (or should be warned)

I am not a dancer, nor am I a good impersonator.

But that night? I was great!

Or so that is what I recall and choose to believe...

Dancing it up, two guys came up to us and asked us to dance.

Cute huh? 
After getting our grove on for a while, it was getting late and time for us to peace out.

As I was about to leave, the guy asks for my number.
At this point in my life/dating life, I figure couldn't hurt to try all my options-
So I start to give him my area code and he freaks out.

"Wait, where are you from?!"

With a 'this can't be good' look on my face, I told him.

"No way! I'm from that area!"

Of course!
The one time I go out to escape people I know, 
this guy comes along.

Turns out he knows people I went to elementary school, 
high school and college with.

This town is too small...

After this great discovery and a full number given out, it was time to head home.
While on the long drive back, I get a text message from an unknown number...

"Sup it's the guy from the bars!"

The first thing I think of to stay-

"You know too many people I know!"
Yeah, it is totally going to work out with us.

"Oh shush, I don't even talk to them anymore. Shouldn't you be at my place?"
Charming isn't he?

"I am already home!"
In my defense, I practically was...

"I mean, you can always come another night but I got a busy schedule."
And I got no words for that except-

"WTF"

"WTF what? I'm sorry I think you're sick."
Interesting choice of words there, I thought.

"I hope that means something good..."

"I apologize, I thought we would have a good conversation. 
I mean, I can be an ass hole if you want."
Yes, because that is what every girl is hoping to hear from a guy. 
THAT will get me to your place.

"Preferably not."

"Well I'll hit you up and maybe we can kick it sometime."

Being too nice to say GTFO-

"For sure, just let me know when you're free."

"Psh never, hence why I said come to my place tonight."
But for real, what a charmer. 

At that point I had nothing else to say and the conversation died.
A week later and still no text.
I guess I am not as sick as he thought I was.
Damn, another good one bites the dust...