The One Who Was a YouTuber

You meet people in the most unlikely places...

Especially when you are accompanied by your mother.

This past weekend I went home to SoCal for a short vacation.

My mother and I decided to go out for some lunch at the Macaroni Grill, 

yes the place where you can draw on tables...

Our waiter comes up to us and looks oddly familiar. 

While I tried to figure out who he looked like, 

he starts talking about how 24 is SO old and 

that he has already seen so much in his short life.

"In the last few years I have been through two girl friends and one orgy."

My mother being the cool, hip chick that she is, responds by saying-

"Only one orgy?!"

I buried my head in my menu and tried to change the subject to my lunch order

before he or my mother could go any farther with the orgy talk.

 Once we started to order, I realized who he looked like!

Andy Samberg!

For those of you who don't know who that is, I am embarrassed for you.

Only the best of the Lonely Island trio and is a hilarious SNL alum.

Here, take a look-

(Yes, this is my jam)

 So of course I had to ask him about it!

"I'm sure you get this a lot, but do people tell you that you look like Andy Samberg?"

"Yes they do. I actually have a YouTube video of me in Time Square pretending to be him. Here's my YouTube name."

Thankfully you can write on the tables and he shared his YouTube name with us. 

As he walked away, my mother was already trying to find it.

I think he pulled it off pretty well...

 

So being the very funny guy that he is and being the very single girl that I am,

my mothers first thought was-

"You guys should totally date!"

Because any guy will do at this point in her eyes.

But unfortunately she did not keep this thought to herself...

"You should totally date my daughter. Haaaavvvvvvveeee you met Ali?"

Yes, she pulled the How I Met Your Mother line, 

which, if you recall from this blog post, 

did not work out too well for me in the past. 

With awkward laughs all around, he told me to stalk him on YouTube 

(he is a professional YouTuber. I know, so cool.), 

Facebook and Instagram. 

So what do I do?

What he told me to do of course!

How else am I going to get into the YouTuber circle just so I can meet DailyGrace?!

So now our friendship is FBO,

which you know I take very seriously...

Can't wait for the Relation-Shit blogger and the Hydration=Happiness Vlogger 

to become BFF's!

Check out his videos and go stalk him on social media, he loves the attention-

http://www.youtube.com/user/sidneyraz

Oh, and sorry ladies/gentlemen/readers- rumor has it he's taken. 
And no, not by me.
On to the next vlogger!

The One Who Was European

So, I went on a date with The One With a Business Card 
and no, we will not be furthering the relationship...


He is an artist.
But not any old artist.
He is the type of artist where you over pronounce the 'I' in his title.

Let me show you the difference:

Artist: "A person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarily subject to aesthetic criteria" - Webster Dictionary

Art[I]st: "A pretentious individual whose art (usually terrible, overly-wordy poetry, but can apply to paintings, prose, etc.) no one 'gets' - Urban Dictionary

Now that we cleared that up, 
I'll give you a little run down of the date. 

Being the punctual person that I am
(and just being paranoid about getting lost and being late)
I arrived to wonderful Oakland about 15 minutes early.
I texted my hopeless romantic to inform him of my earliness and 
that I would be wandering around.

No response.

Our meeting time of 1PM hit and there was no sign
of my tall, dark and handsome Grecian God!
I was being stood up. 
In Oakland!
WTF?!

Have no fear, he pulled through.
Turns out his bike broke so he had to walk...
 And in true European fashion, he greeted me with a *Kiss Kiss*

We took a lovely stroll around the beautiful man-made Oakland lake 
where he referred to himself as an 
art[I]st, filmmaker, poet, and a romantic multiple times. 
Each.

We then took a seat by the lake on a blanket he brought
(all romantics have one on them)
and got to know each other more.

Here is what you need to know about hopeless romantic Greek men 
who give you their business card- 

• They wear scarfs no matter the weather. 
• They talk about themselves and what makes them unique. 
• And they have no shame in their preferred sexual activities.

Yes, sexual activities.

How do I know this?

Oh, because he brought up that part of his life as well. 

Not only do I know all about how his parents met in the states 

but soon moved back to Greece after having him 32 years ago, 

I now know that he is into some interesting stuff.

"I think it is so crazy how Americans are anti PDA. In Europe people are making out everywhere."

Que me freaking out to thinking he was suggesting we make out...

"I mean, I know they are all polygamists and into S&M, but they will never talk about it. Like me. I enjoy orgies and bondage but I can't advertise that because 

Americans are so reserved!"

With a nod of my head, I knew this was never going to work out.

Not because he is open about what he is into,

but because he lives 45 minutes away from me 

and you know, long distance is just so hard these days... 

 But if anyone is into hopeless romantic Greek men 

who are into kinky stuff and can read you some poetry/paint you a picture/

photograph you/make a film about you-

I know a guy...

The One With the Wrong Number

 "Sorry, you have the wrong number..."

Something I am sure most of you have said at one point in your life.

But what about people who text you that have the wrong number?

First you think, what DID I do last night at the bars?!

Or, who the hell gave out my number? 

This recently happened to a cousin of mine 
and of course the first person she blames is the girl with a relation-shit blog...

Sarah: "Did you give my number to some guy named Mark?"

Me: "I don't think so...did he say he knows me?"

"No. I am in the weirdest situation."

She forwarded me their conversation and all I can say is
pass along my number to him!

Wrong Number: "Hi Again."

Sarah: "Who is this?"

"This is Mark. Still up for helping me with some advice? 
And how's the puppy? Better today?"

Sarah: "I'm sorry, I'm drawing a blank. Mark who?"

"Um, is this Audrey?"

"No, this is Sarah."

At that point, I would think most people would end the conversation with the stranger, 
but no. 
I think they became best friends...

Wrong Number: "Ok, I'm feeling really stupid now. 
Have you had any calls for her before?"

Sarah: "No, I haven't had any calls for Audrey but 
I do have a puppy and he was really sick last week...this is very odd."

 "That is weird. Well, are you good at relationship advice? ha ha"

"I guess I could try and give some advice."

Yup, best friend status.

Wrong Number: "This is funny but OK...do you think there are times when it's better not to tell the whole truth?"

Sarah: "It depends on the situation. What didn't you tell the truth about?"

"I'm not sure how much to say about this since I don't know you. 
Are you easily offended?"

"No."

I would be very scared at this point in the conversation...

Wrong Number: "We were talking about fantasies and she asked what my biggest one is. 
But honestly, it's about a threesome. I know that's really bad."

Sadly, this is where the conversation ended,
besides some last minute information he provided.

Like the fact that he is 47...
Oh, and married.

But of course since this happened to her and the area code was from around me, 
I get the blame!

Sarah: "I totally thought you met some weirdo guy and as a joke gave him my number!"

No people, I do not give out someone elses number
when a random ass guy approaches me and asks for one. 

I either provide my actual number, say no thank you,
or go with 867-5309.

Try it sometime...

As long as you don't sing it to them, it should work.