The One Who Lasted 7 Hours

7 hours later and all we have are 2 tattoos and a new porn star friend.

Yup, that was an experience.

Given the name of the blog, one would think I only write about dating.

Not true.

Relation-Shits can occur with anyone and everyone.

From a boyfriend/girlfriend to family members to friends 

and even the occasional tattoo artists can be Relation-Shits.

Well, you guessed it! 
It was a relation-shit type of evening for me and my friend Jem
when we went to get some ink.

Jem and I had the great idea to get some tattoos one evening.

Seems easy right?

WRONG!

We were recommended to a tattoo place by a friend of ours
who we thought we could trust...

We should have known better.

We show up in the West End Neighborhood 

(How did we know this? Oh, because there was a big ass sign informing us!)

Now, nothing against the West End Neighborhood...

BUT for two young, freakishly good looking girls...it was a little sketch. 

Just sayin'.

Walking up to the house turned tattoo parlor, 

we were unknowingly about to embark on a very long adventure...

We were greeted by two men and a male porn star.

Of course their way of making us comfortable was to give us a 
Maxim magazine to flip through while we waited for the tattoo artist to get ready.
That's not weird right?

That is when we made small talk with the porn star, who fun fact, 

is only in scenes and has yet to break out into the full length films.
Makes sense why we did not recognize him...

Another fun fact, our tattoo artist is his fluffer!

If you do not know what that is, I suggest urbandictinary.com for that answer.
Enjoy.

So now that we knew intimate details about these mens lives, 

it was time for them to get to know us and our tattoo ideas.

Or so we thought.

Instead, the tattoo artist proceeded to go through the entire history of the shop, 

show us his large prison collection 

(basically all the gifts he has from people he knows in prison), 

took us on a trip down memory lane with some old photos he found, 

told us his entire life story, including his issues with his father  
AND 

attempted to dance/date us.

After all of those shenanigans, it was time for some tattoos!

Jem was up first.

It was her first tattoo and she was getting it in one of the most painful places-

Right about her who-ha. 

Laying on a table in front of an open window to the street with her skirt down, 

it was about to be an experience she would never forget...

or really even want to remember.

Of course throughout her tattooing experience, 

the porn star was sent to get food for all of us. 

Jem asked for an Arnold Palmer and I did not ask for anything.

He returns with the Arnold Palmer and grape Mike & Ikes for me. 

 
 Sweet and all since they are HIS favorites, but they were grape...

Who buys grape anything?!

Needless to say, he ate them for me.

After 30 minutes of pure pain 
in which some questionable noises were being made by Jem, 

it was my turn.

At this point it was just after 2AM and I was ready for bed.

But no, he would not let me leave until I got my tattoo.

While I laid there practically falling asleep because 
it was almost 3AM by the time he finally got his shiz together,

Jem and him were cracking jokes and laughing all about life. 

I was dying. 

BUT

10 cigarette breaks, 4 candy bars, and 7 hours later, we were done!

Throughout that entire process, I thought I was on a hidden camera show.

I was waiting for a crew to come out and say 

"You were on Boiling Points and since you lasted 7 hours, you get X amount of money!"

But no.

Instead I paid a guy money to make me listen to his life story for 7 hours. 

Oh yeah, and to get a tattoo.

At least he gave us a discount...for the next tattoo we get done by him.

Yeah, don't think that's going to happen.

So the moral of this story is...

If it takes a tattoo artist more than an hour to get his shiz together, 

you might want to go somewhere else. 

Because you might end up there for 7 hours with a porn star 

talking about his booming career.
But then again, you get to meet a porn star who has free DVD's of his work!