The One Who Ruined The First Date

Ever gotten shit-faced on a first date?

No? Well that makes one of us then...

Who does that?! 

I mean really, why would someone become a drunk ass bitch
in front of a potential second date? 

Well unfortunately I am not as smart as I look 

(it's the glasses, I know, they are deceiving) 

and I had a little too much "fun" on a recent date my good friend Jacob set up for me.

And this is how the story goes- Jacob and his wife had the great idea 

of setting me up with one of their friends, because my love life
basically consists of relation-shits.

First advice when going a first date- don't go to a beer festival followed by three bars. 

Drinking too much on the first date may cause you to do things you regret the next day. 

Just saying.

Needless to say, we went to a beer festival. 

And when I say we, I mean the guy and Jacob. 

Yes, last minute his wife was not able to make it to our double date. 

You would think "poor Jacob," but don't you worry, bro's before ho's. 

After going through about 15 different types of beer and 
trying to get in between him and Jacob enough to fit in awkward 
"first date" conversation, we decided to do what else? 

Drink more!

We ended up in Santa Rosa for our first bar, in which we met 
up with some of my dates friends. 

Ignored by my date while he conversed among his friends, 

I began to bond with people around us and that is where the trouble started. 

When you bond with people at a bar,
they tend to want to buy double shots to celebrate your new found friendship. 

I became a victim of this ritual.

After some drinks, myself, Jacob and my date moved onto the next bar
where it really all went down hill. 

Unfortunately I am not able to tell you most of what happened 
due to my dignity wanting to stay in tact

but I am sure I would want to forget i anyways so why make it permanent in a blog?

Thankfully my good old friend Jacob was there to help a buddy out
while my date vanished 

never to be seen (or heard) from again...
Yes, I was under the influence AND dateless. 

Relation-Shit!

So after being asked to leave the bar by the bouncer,
yes, I was kicked out,

I was then helped six blocks to the car and driven home where 
some how I climbed three flights of stairs to my apartment. 

This is where my *key* became a victim itself. 

Not sure how that went down, but may it rest in peace. 

The bright side of it all is that I made it home!

The downsides however over shadows the ups unfortunately. 

I mysteriously contracted the stomach flu that night and the entire next day,
along with having over a week pass since that night and 
hearing no feedback from my date. 

Relation-shits happen but it is these shitty moments that 
you truly appreciate you friends, in my case Jacob, 
who will put up with drunk ass bitches and 

make sure they do not do anything to ruin their reputation or dignity. 

So while I may have ruined a first date, 
I did gain a better friendship in the end.

P.S. If you are ever in a bar in Santa Rosa and you see a black scarf 
with little tassels at the end of each side, 
bring it back to me would ya? 
It's my favorite. 
Thanks. 

**A few weeks after this blog, my friend decided to coin the term-
"Let's party like it's a first date!"
Now he says this every time we go to a party...My life.**