In the ever so clever and honest words of Carrie Bradshaw-
"Are we romantically challenged or are we just sluts?"
Dating has drastically changed throughout the years.
My first high school boyfriend asked me out over AIM-
and for those of you who don't know what AIM is, I feel old...
AOL Instant Messanger was the hot thing when I was a teen.
But now it's just a distant memory for us 90's babies.
My second high school boyfriend set up a huge scavenger hunt to ask me to prom, using my friends as clues leading us to the beach.
Awesome, I know!
But grand gestures also seem to be a beautiful past time.
Now a days it's all about Tiffany's bracelets and Michael Kors watches to show how much your significant other loves you. Seriously, where do all of these young college guys get that kind of money?!?
Well, I thought each flame of my past would prepare me for the men I would encounter post high school and college... but of course, once again, I would be wrong in the whole dating department.
I recently met a guy through my online dating adventures and we ended up going on quite a few dates which consisted of going out for dinner, homemade dinner, movies, bowling, coffee, going out on his boat and a movie night as his place.
During those dates, which spanned over a month and a half, he never tried anything. No hand holding, no arm around the shoulder, no kiss, nothing. Yes, that may sound very G-rated but you have to start somewhere right?
But then you get the guy who wants to do it right then and there, even if that then and there is in your garage after knowing him for a day! But hey, at least he tried something right?
There never seems to be a middle ground. It's either they/you get nothing or they/you want everything... So how do you reach a happy medium without being a slut or man whore?
I'm not sure on that answer but what I can say is that I don't believe romance is dead. While I am not looking for my husband at this point in my life or looking to be a hump and dump to that guy at the bar, I am looking for someone who is willing to put their all into a relationship.
That does not mean buying an expensive gift to show me you care, but maybe that's just the way this generations expression of love is viewed?
As a "too legit to quit" 90's baby, I was exposed to the grand gestures of 80's movie re-runs on TV where it was all about the moment that was created and not about the fashion statement it created.
Material objects break, get lost and become "so last season." And yes, memories do fade too- but hopefully you will have that person who created that memory with you by your side to remind you of how great that moment you once shared was. So express your love in whatever way you think your significant other will be able to grasp how you feel. If that means spending hundreds, more power to ya and is your work hiring? If that means putting together a homemade card with flowers from your neighbors yard, at least try to ask your neighbor first... As long as you are willing to put your all into the gesture of love, no one will care about the price tag, but they will still post that shit on FB so put a little effort into it!
Yet again I find myself exploring the online dating world.
Mainly out of curiosity,
but also you never know when Price Charming himself will pop up in a message.
Or Leo DiCaprio.
I mean, he is single now...
I can dream can't I?
Well Prince Charming has not shown up yet
but a close second has made his way into my inbox!
We had briefly chatted a few months ago but he was leaving for a European adventure. To my surprise, he came back and messaged me again!
"My Euro trip was totally tight butthole. Still single huh? You can buy me a drink. It might help you feel better :)"
Notice anything off about that message? The fact that he thinks I would buy him a drink?! Think again mister!
Oh and the fact that it involves the phrase "tight butthole." I'm over here thinking- 'It must be one of those damn auto corrects and he really meant to say his trip was totally awesome and life changing.'
Nope.
So I responded-
"Totally tight butthole?"
Turns out he was making a reference to Workaholics, which is a show I watch and have totally heard the 'tight butthole' reference but did I think to associate our conversation about his Euro trip to a TV show?
Nope.
But I guess that just means I'm off of my game... And Workaholics references. Dammit Ali!
I messaged him on Facebook, he followed me on Instagram, I subscribed
to his YouTube page, he friended me on Facebook, I followed him on Twitter and
then he texted me. All of this just to stalk one another only to find out he
has a girlfriend. Why go through the trouble of getting to know the social
media side of someone when that’s just who they want you to think they are?
Unless you consider FBO friendships to be the real deal then this guy
and I are social media BFF’s! Hell, we are practically internet married with
all of the commitment and time we spent friending, subscribing and following
each other. So why is social media the go to medium when it comes to meeting
people these days? It’s simple; you can investigate before you get into
anything!
Before the internet and cell phones, yes- that time did exist, people
actually met face to face! But now everyone (including me) hides behind
computer screens and smart phones. Online dating is a perfect example- I
recently got into the online dating scene and it’s a love/hate relationship. I
love the fact that I can check out their grammar, what they’re interested in
and their “details” i.e. how tall they are, if they smoke or whether or not
they want kids. All things you could find out by actually meeting them, but
instead you can do it without the awkward back and forth questions. You can go
through a list of guys until you find your “perfect match.” But are they really
your “perfect match” or just the best sounding option?
I have found out that it’s not all about what you think you want and
who would be the best option as a mate, because I have had some great
contenders- such as my secure firefighter that has strong career goals, a
house, a dog and even a boat! Total package right? Maybe for someone, just not
for me. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have the total package in a
significant other, but you need to find someone that makes you better not just
the one that comes off better on paper.
It is a rare find, but they do exist. I found one once but he didn’t
know what he wanted to do with his life, had zero saved for his future, and was
afraid of growing up. For most girls this not an ideal match, but the fact that
he made me a better person than I ever thought I could be, I don’t think I could
ever stop loving him. Will we ever be together again? Who knows, but until
then- online dating, I’m here to stay!
It's rare to find a someone who is liked by his enemies.
Someone who helps all and never lets anything get him down,
even if that thing is about to take his life.
I had the honor of knowing a man like this for 9 short years
and he taught me lessons that I still carry with me today.
I'd like to introduce you to this man...
He was a coach, an athlete, a teacher, a son, a brother, a husband, an uncle,
a best friend and a father.
Today is his birthday and I wanted to honor him by sharing some of his life lessons.
He may not have had all of the answers, especially when it came to Relation-Shits,
but damn did he make some good points...
Cheers-
Lesson #1:
"If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life." -P.S.
Why waste your time working a job you hate?
Life is too short to spend it doing something that makes you miserable.
Find something you love, that makes you wake up in the morning not hating life.
That is the dream job.
He found this in teaching, which as you know is not the biggest money maker
but that didn't stop him from working after the bell rang.
He put his all into teaching each student life lessons,
not just what was in the text or how to win a basketball game.
Make the most out of your job and don't stop where your job description ends.
Make it your own and you'll never work a day in your life.
Lesson #2:
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out"-John Wooden
John Wooden was his hero on and off the court,
so it is no wonder he applied his lessons to his life as well.
He taught everyone around him that it does not matter what happens to you,
what matters is how you react to it.
And no one knew how to turn a shitty situation into a positive one more than this man.
He battled colon cancer and would constantly say-
"What am I going to do? Sit around and cry about it?"
Lesson #3:
“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
-John Wooden
Now, I don't have many long lasting relationships to look up to in my life,
but one that would have lasted forever was the one he had with the love of his life.
Never have I heard such stories of love for ones significant other or children.
It is rare to find a man who enjoys staying home with the children, taking them for bike rides, dancing like a fool in the living room with them or teaching them how to play any and every sport.
He just genuinely loved being a dad and he showed his children that you can be a great dad and a great husband.
One does not have to be sacrificed.
Now, you may be wondering,
"Who the hell is this guy?! He sounds super amazing! I would totally want to be BFF's with him!"
Well, this man I am speaking of is Paul Sutton,
my dad and one of the biggest inspirations in my life.
I strive everyday to make him proud and not completely embarrass the Sutton name...
but if you know me, you know I can be pretty embarrassing.
Now that you know I am related to this great man,
you must be thinking this is all bias...
No.
A wonderful writer from the LA Times named Mike Bresnahan wrote numerous articles about my dad in the 90's. One article said he was "known less for his record as boys' basketball coach than for teaching life lessons to [his] students in his 14 years at the school."
(Back in the day...even at 5'10 he ruled the court)
One of his best friends Dan the Man said- "He
just won with the talent he had. He did it the way it was supposed to
be done-- the right way, for the right reasons. He didn't do it for the
headlines. He did it for the players."
And even a rival basketball coach could not find fault -
"He
was a masterful coach...He was good to the young coaches...
veteran
coaches were inspired by the fact that they had to do everything they
could to beat him. He was so innovative, we all used him as a resource.
And there really wasn't an ego."
When he ran out of sick days, teachers and coaches practically lined up to donate their sick days to him.
"Sutton needs to be remembered as a coach who won 166 games and three league titles, and for realizing that what happened off the court was infinitely more important."
And it showed, with a 700-person reception after his funeral, you knew he made an impact on people's lives. Not just as a teacher, but as a friend and a mentor.
So honor those teachers and individuals who go beyond their job and show you that we don't always live in a nine to five world. Appreciate those around you and let them know you would do anything for them. Don't let competition deteriorate a friendship and always be a gracious loser, even when it pains you to shake the hand of a winner.
Always look on the bright side of things no matter how much life sucks, and never shy away from being an ol' fool. Life is too short to hide your crazy self. Happy 55th Birthday ya ol' fool. Cheers to you and good old Van the Man!
He is an artist. But not any old artist. He is the type of artist where you over pronounce the 'I' in his title. Let me show you the difference:
Artist:"A person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarily subject to aesthetic criteria" - Webster Dictionary
Art[I]st:"A pretentious individual whose art (usually terrible, overly-wordy poetry, but can apply to paintings, prose, etc.) no one 'gets' - Urban Dictionary
Now that we cleared that up, I'll give you a little run down of the date. Being the punctual person that I am (and just being paranoid about getting lost and being late) I arrived to wonderful Oakland about 15 minutes early. I texted my hopeless romantic to inform him of my earliness and that I would be wandering around. No response. Our meeting time of 1PM hit and there was no sign of my tall, dark and handsome Grecian God! I was being stood up. In Oakland! WTF?!
Have no fear, he pulled through. Turns out his bike broke so he had to walk... And in true European fashion, he greeted me with a *Kiss Kiss* We took a lovely stroll around the beautiful man-made Oakland lake where he referred to himself as an art[I]st, filmmaker, poet, and a romantic multiple times. Each.
We then took a seat by the lake on a blanket he brought (all romantics have one on them) and got to know each other more.
Here is what you need to know about hopeless romantic Greek men who give you their business card-
They wear scarfs no matter the weather.
They talk about themselves and what makes them unique.
And they have no shame in their preferred sexual activities.
Yes, sexual activities.
How do I know this?
Oh, because he brought up that part of his life as well.
Not only do I know all about how his parents met in the states
but soon moved back to Greece after having him 32 years ago,
I now know that he is into some interesting stuff.
"I think it is so crazy how Americans are anti PDA. In Europe people are making out everywhere."
Que me freaking out to thinking he was suggesting we make out...
"I mean, I know they are all polygamists and into S&M, but they will never talk about it. Like me. I enjoy orgies and bondage but I can't advertise that because
Americans are so reserved!"
With a nod of my head, I knew this was never going to work out.
Not because he is open about what he is into,
but because he lives 45 minutes away from me
and you know, long distance is just so hard these days...
But if anyone is into hopeless romantic Greek men
who are into kinky stuff and can read you some poetry/paint you a picture/
