The One Who Wanted To Be Blogged

The other night I ventured out to the Cotati bars finally!
Only took me 3 months...

But don't worry, I was not on a blind date nor was I drinking!

Learned my lesson there which you can read about in *this blog.*

So while in one of the bars, a member of my class approached me, slightly very wasted

and told me he wanted to be in my blog.

"Can I take you out on a date and then you can write about it in your blog?!"

Me: "What?"

"Your blog is one of the blog's I actually read each week!"

Me: "Thank you but why would you want to go on a date and 

hope it's a good Relation-Shit story?"

"I'll take you out to Chili's and buy you a margarita!"

When someone asks you out on a date so they can be put in a Relation-Shit blog, 

you can only imagine what kind of date it will be...

I was not sure how to process this one. 

While feeling a little insulted that I was being used just so he may 

gain extreme popularity through one of my blog entries, 

I was also excited that someone is actually reading my blog!

Plus who would want to pass up a Chili's dinner and a margarita which apparently 

is the perfect match for a Relation-Shit date. 

So, is it sad that all I need is food and booze to ruin a date 

OR

charming that he already had it planned? 

Not sure which one it is yet, but since I have sworn off alcohol AND dates,

I said I would stick to blogging other people's relation-shits for now. 

But this story was just too funny NOT to blog about.

Plus, he did say he wanted to be in a blog entry. 

So here ya go! You made it in! 

Maybe not what you thought would be the reason, but let's not get picky here! :)

The One Who Games

Mini Relation-Shit

Tonight everyone and their mom are out doing something random,
which left me at home to fend for myself.

Well of course I did not want to sit at home alone and do nothing!

So, I texted a good friend of mine to see if he wanted to chill and watch a movie. 

This was his response-

"I'm suppose to scrimmage with my clan sometime tonight."

I think I need to make more friends who don't game...

Friend-Shit much? 

The One Who Ruined The First Date

Ever gotten shit-faced on a first date?

No? Well that makes one of us then...

Who does that?! 

I mean really, why would someone become a drunk ass bitch
in front of a potential second date? 

Well unfortunately I am not as smart as I look 

(it's the glasses, I know, they are deceiving) 

and I had a little too much "fun" on a recent date my good friend Jacob set up for me.

And this is how the story goes- Jacob and his wife had the great idea 

of setting me up with one of their friends, because my love life
basically consists of relation-shits.

First advice when going a first date- don't go to a beer festival followed by three bars. 

Drinking too much on the first date may cause you to do things you regret the next day. 

Just saying.

Needless to say, we went to a beer festival. 

And when I say we, I mean the guy and Jacob. 

Yes, last minute his wife was not able to make it to our double date. 

You would think "poor Jacob," but don't you worry, bro's before ho's. 

After going through about 15 different types of beer and 
trying to get in between him and Jacob enough to fit in awkward 
"first date" conversation, we decided to do what else? 

Drink more!

We ended up in Santa Rosa for our first bar, in which we met 
up with some of my dates friends. 

Ignored by my date while he conversed among his friends, 

I began to bond with people around us and that is where the trouble started. 

When you bond with people at a bar,
they tend to want to buy double shots to celebrate your new found friendship. 

I became a victim of this ritual.

After some drinks, myself, Jacob and my date moved onto the next bar
where it really all went down hill. 

Unfortunately I am not able to tell you most of what happened 
due to my dignity wanting to stay in tact

but I am sure I would want to forget i anyways so why make it permanent in a blog?

Thankfully my good old friend Jacob was there to help a buddy out
while my date vanished 

never to be seen (or heard) from again...
Yes, I was under the influence AND dateless. 

Relation-Shit!

So after being asked to leave the bar by the bouncer,
yes, I was kicked out,

I was then helped six blocks to the car and driven home where 
some how I climbed three flights of stairs to my apartment. 

This is where my *key* became a victim itself. 

Not sure how that went down, but may it rest in peace. 

The bright side of it all is that I made it home!

The downsides however over shadows the ups unfortunately. 

I mysteriously contracted the stomach flu that night and the entire next day,
along with having over a week pass since that night and 
hearing no feedback from my date. 

Relation-shits happen but it is these shitty moments that 
you truly appreciate you friends, in my case Jacob, 
who will put up with drunk ass bitches and 

make sure they do not do anything to ruin their reputation or dignity. 

So while I may have ruined a first date, 
I did gain a better friendship in the end.

P.S. If you are ever in a bar in Santa Rosa and you see a black scarf 
with little tassels at the end of each side, 
bring it back to me would ya? 
It's my favorite. 
Thanks. 

**A few weeks after this blog, my friend decided to coin the term-
"Let's party like it's a first date!"
Now he says this every time we go to a party...My life.**

The One Who Made Out With My Forehead

 Yes, the title explains it all.
My friend made out with my forehead while we were taking a picture.

No, I did not see it coming nor was it something I wanted.

Yes, alcohol was involved on his part.

And no, that was not the only ridiculous thing he did that night.

Let me tell you a little about my friend. 

He is far from a ladies man but somehow he manages to get 

with a new girl at every party we go to. 

Strange, I know. Boggles my mind every time.

Unfortunately for me, there were no single girls at my roommates recent 21st Birthday Bash. 

That left me as his target...

Ridiculous Moment #1:

Friend: "Ali, I am going to talk to you about random things to distract you from when I do this-"

Tongue sticking out, he lunged in to kiss me.

Thankfully, like a ninja, I dodged that shiz.
I made my way over to two friends 

and began talking with them about the recent attack set out on me.

Even More Ridiculous Moment #2:

I am with two friends talking while lunging boy is off on the other side of the room 

with two people we all just met. Then I hear my name shouted from across the room-

Friend: "ALI! DO YOU HAVE HERPES??"

Me: "No, *Insert Name Here*!"

Friend turns to the two guys, pats them on the back and says-

"You guys are good to go."

Final Ridiculous Moment #3:

 Although he was a drunk ass bitch and lunging all night, I did want to make 

a nice memory with my friend of 3 years.

I figured a picture was the best way to do so. 

I went up to him, hugged him and posed.
That is when the spit started flowing. 

I felt him ferociously attacking my forehead in a manor that should never occur even on lips. 

As I tried to pull away the flash goes off and I know the memory that was made will 

not be one I want to remember for the rest of my life...

As I prepare to share this moment, please disregard my ugly ass face. 

I was caught off guard/freaked out people! 

But it's too funny not to * share *

So that is my friend-shit. 

Now I know to provide him with a single female for the next party...

Now what can you all learn from this is one?
Start training yourself to dodge like a ninja, because you never know when it will come in handy 
and lesson two, help your friend monitor their alcohol intake. 

Than maybe they wont start making out with peoples foreheads.
Unless you like that...then more power to ya!

The One In A Horror Movie

Most people can enjoy a good horror movie,

but can you enjoy one when you're dating the killer?

Let's throw this back to 1978, the year horror flick Halloween hit the big screen.

That year my mom was working at Warner Brothers studios where she met an actor. 

They went out on a date, talked about the glamorous life of Hollywood 

and he brought up a new movie he was going to be in. 

He told her he was a main character in Halloween and 
that she HAD to go see him in action. 

He got her and her friend tickets to see the premiere and 
so they went so see what this guy had to offer to the acting community. 

They sat through the whole movie and neither of them could spot him. 

A few days after the premiere, my mom met up with him again for another date. 

She brought up the movie and asked where he was in it. 

He then reveals that he was the man behind the mask.

Yes, my mom dated the serial killer from Halloween. 

The one that tried and FAILED to kill Jamie Lee Curtis for the past 5 Halloween remakes. Maybe if he succeeded it might have saved her from making Freaky Friday with 

Lindsey Lohan 25 years later...Just sayin'

So after hearing he was the masked killer, my mom could not get it out of 

her head and that is when the relationship sadly ended. 

Too bad, I could have had Tony Moran as my father. 

And yes that would be Erin Moran's brother. 

The girl from Happy Days and Jonie Loves Chachi. 

No? Still don't know who she is? 

Its ok, her career ended a while ago and won't be making a come back anytime soon.

So this may not have been a real Relation-Shit story but 
I did learn a valuable lesson from this. 
If you're going out with someone, find out more about their life before 

you go see them in a movie and find out they are a psycho killer.

Just Some Fun Facts From Halloween: 

Tony Moran was paid $250 for his role as the masked killer

Halloween was shot in 21 days with a budget of $320,000 

which is nothing compared to the millions movie makers get today

Due to its shoestring budget, the prop department had to use the cheapest mask that they could find in the costume store; a Star Trek William Shatner mask. They later spray-painted the face white, teased out the hair, and reshaped the eye holes. 

 Halloween went on to make $47 million in the box office which made 

it the most successful independent film of all time

(Thank you imbd.com!)