The One At The Bank

One of the perks of writing a blog about relationships/shits, is that people like to share their experiences with me. 

Just the other day I received a text message from a close friend who, 

like me, does not have much luck with the fellas ;)

"Today my banker asked me out. 

He checked my account balance and still wanted some. Me, FTW."

"I'm blogging about this shit. When is the date?!"

"We are going out tomorrow!"

"Let me know how it goes. Where is he taking you?"

"Not sure, he is picking me up and said it would be a surprise, is that sketch or cute?"

"You're either going to his place and he didn't want to scare you off before he had a chance or he has no idea where yet or it's a really sketch place..."

"Here's hoping it's number 1 or 2..."

"I wish you luck and if I do not hear from you, I'm going to guess it was either a huge success and you're naked in his bed or you're dead in his bed. Either scenario, 

I expect you to be in his bed."

Will it be a successful date?

Will she find her prince charming?

Will be end up being super sketch?

TO BE CONTINUED...

The One Who Waited

When you hear about someone who waited, 

it is usually associated with waiting to further the relationship. 

In this case, it was waiting to end it...

Another Relation-Shit under my belt and all I have to remember it by is a Hollister sweater.

Yeah...

But now the Goodwill will reap the benefits of that.

With this most recent adventure, I have learned that honesty is the best policy,

but that does not mean being brutally honest after you have spent two months together...

I think maybe one month into it should give you an idea of what you want.

But what do I know?

Word to the wise (men and women): 

If you are not sure of a relationship, tell the person! 

Express your concerns. 

Don't expect anything to change if you keep your feelings or doubts to yourself. 

And DON'T put off telling the person for two months 

after you spend that time on dates, meeting families and 

driving 6 hours to visit one another. 

As you guessed it, this boy waited. 

He waited to tell me some honest but brutal words. 

"Your personality is so sarcastic that it often comes across as offensive. I don't know if you do it on purpose but I don't think you do."

Well duh. I am a sarcastic person. 

Yes, it comes off harsh at times but if you truly know me, 

you know that I am joking and it's funny!

Well, I think it is...

but good words of encouragement. 

Maybe I need to tone it down. 

As for why did this come out of no where?

"It was a thought in the back of my head but I didn't think anything of it. 

I guess I wasn't really telling you exactly how I felt because I really wanted it to work out. I know, not the smartest idea."

Ya think?!?! 

Not the smartest idea but hey, at least he wanted it to work out. 

Just like I want me and Leo DiCaprio to work out. 

One day... 

"It was nice getting to know you as more than a friend."

Yes, very nice to get to know you more too buddy...

But once again, long distance was the main factor for this exit.

Sadly it took him 2 months to realized I lived 6 hours away from him...

But it was not just the distance that gave him cold feet-

"If I am brutally honest...the blog post about peaches. 
Everyone I showed told me that it was very rude..."

This is why I keep each story anonymous.
If you would like people to know you're in this blog, that is on you mister.

But, I have been warned by many men that this blog will hurt my future relationships. 

The funny thing is that guys always say 

"I don't want to end up in your blog" or "I am not one of those guys"

So I live by the theory that  

if a guy does not want me to write 

a relation-shit blog about him, 

he won't do relation-shit type of things. 

And no guy/girl should do that to any guy/girl, ya know?

What this blog does show me is that people cannot appreciate light humor. 

If you can't laugh at yourself, then you have no right laughing at others.

 I am obviously an awkward, ridiculously embarrassing person and I accept that (kinda). 

We say silly and stupid things sometimes, everyone does. 

We just need to laugh it off and appreciate the humor in the little things each day.

As for the lesson I have learned-

Summer fling, don't mean I thing...

unless you are Danny Zuko.

But who really knows what happened to them after they flew away in that car? 

Maybe it's time for me to watch Grease 2 to see how that all panned out...

The One Who Broke It Off

All good things must come to an end. 

This includes certain relationships.

Unfortunately, both Sutton children are once again single. 

That is right, my brother and his girlfriend broke up. 

While I would usually blame the guy in this situation, 

sometimes the girl is at fault.

Weird, I'm actually putting the blame on females?!

Who would have thought?!

Don't get me wrong, she is a cute girl and very sweet but 

bitches be crazy sometimes.

Example 1: Prom/Graduation

My college graduation fell on the same day as prom...

Yes, my brother dated a High School girl. 

Should have been the first indication of trouble. 

Somehow it was my fault that this happened and 

my brother was forced to come to my graduation. 

She was obviously not happy with this and that is when she began to hate me. 

I mean, she never said she hated me specifically, 

but I would guess when someone stops talking to you, 

that might be a pretty clear sign. 

Example 2: Meatballs

My brother skipped out on my grandmas home made meatballs to 

hang out with the girlfriend who did not want to come over. 

Yes, my grandma is a little crazy but her meatballs are amazing! 

My brother will literally hide them from people and 

not share any of his stash because he loves them so much. 

That is one powerful hold she had over him...

Example 3: The break up

Someone has to initiate the breakup and to some surprise, it was her. 

My brother took it surprisingly well and agreed that this was 

not the best relationship for them to be in. 

Super mature for his first relationship/breakup I would say.

This was not what she was looking for. 

 Her response to his acceptance of her breaking it off?

"Why aren't you fighting for us?!"

I'll give it to her. 

I am sure most females would say the same thing...

when they were in their teens, 

but in reality, maybe the relationship was just not meant to be

or maybe they will reunite one day. 

Who knows.

But wanna know the kicker? 

She deleted him and all of our family from Facebook- classic move.

Touche my former Facebook friend.

The One Who Caught The Bouquet

This past weekend was full of romance, booze, food and dancing the night away.

Yes, that means there was a wedding!

My cousin Nick and his beautiful girlfriend of many years finally tied the knot.

In the beautiful setting of Sonoma Wine Country, 

how could one not fall in love?

Well let me tell you! 

When you are surrounded by a bunch of people you're related to, 

it's kinda hard to find the one...

One thing is for sure, you can't have an Italian wedding without some drama. 

Have you seen the Godfather?!?

Surprisingly, the only drama was when my very Italian grandmother

could not find any wine at the beginning of the reception.

Thankfully she spotted the wine before she went crazy and 

grabbed some out of the box they were getting ready to set out.

Wild woman...

One thing not drama filled- 

The first dance!

True love right there.

 And of course they will live happily ever after...

But not before they throw the bouquet!

And guess who caught it?!?!

That's right! Yours truly. 

Only a few elbows thrown, but other than that, easy peasy.

But seriously,  I am surprised I'm not married yet. 

I mean, I have caught the bouquet about 3 or 4 times...

Flowers are easy. Guys? Hard to catch.

The One With Nothing To Text

There is a point in your life, 

whether it be with a friend or in a relationship, 

when you realize you have run out of things to text each other. 

Everyone just hits a point where you are texting just to text.

This needs to stop

and I think it is time to call those people out.

Which sadly, includes me.

I have a friend that I talk to on the regular just to pass the time.

I know, I should be present in my life and less consumed with the texting world.

Shouldn't we all?

But, I have yet to break away. 

One day...

So here is what I subject myself to on a daily basis-

"I just got home from the gym with my sister. Got some coupons for a smog check for m car for tomorrow. Now eating a peach. I don't know what it is right now but this is the best peach I have ever had. It almost became FB status material. How bout you?"

My realization that this has gone too far-

"That moment when you realize you really don't have anything to talk about...

peaches?"

"Not true at all! I have plenty to talk about! I can think of five different things to tell you but the peach was the most exciting one in the moment"

I think it is time to talk less and find new/more friends...